DISCLAIMER: I have literally NO EXPERIENCE of mutual love so the following text is entirely FLAWED and MISGUIDED.
I am, however, very interested and curious about love and would like to share my thoughts.
The idea of spending every waking second thinking about, or being with another human being is one of the most repulsive pursuits I could ever imagine. I’m someone who relishes privacy and enjoys being alone. I don’t live in a cave, I have friends who I respect and hugely appreciate. I could probably spend maximum a month on a desert island, solely with my most admired friends, before I’d go completely insane and probably try overdosing on coconut milk. In a way, a romantic coupling is like friendship but with some pleasant bonuses. I just don’t understand how two people could want be glued together indefinitely. Marriage to me is like saying: “I’ll trap you in my cage if you trap me in yours… forever”. Absurd. (And if you think marriage is good for having babies, you’re wrong too. The world doesn’t need more babies. It’s full.) To me, the words “I love you” really mean “I’m willing to put up with your flaws if it means I won’t be lonely”. I’ve never been in love because I don’t have a fear of loneliness. My validation comes from friends and most of all, myself. I have no shame in admitting I fear love. I’m terrified by the idea of constantly having to rely on someone, and for someone to constantly rely on me. It’s a hell of a lot of responsibility. You may think I’m just cynical but I do strongly believe that people will always let you down at some point, and you will let them down too.
Having said all this, I would like to find love one day, just to see if my ideas are true. If they are, then I’ll have the right to be smug, if I’m wrong then I’ll be in love. I hope I’m wrong.