Wanting. Enticing. Resisting. Hurting.
hurting. why can’t you see i’m hurting? why won’t you stop hurting me?
is it because i wanted? because i enticed? because i resisted?
do you like it when i resist? when you steal my control and fuck me- do you like it?
but it hurts me. it HURTS ME.
but i wanted it.
do i want it?
do i attract it?
does it influence everything i have done since?
does it determine the way i interact, the way i feel, the way i love?
can i love?
but i’m lifting, lifting, uplifting, freeing, freeing myself,
running, climbing, breaking, intoxicating, growing,
feeling, feeling the mud on my body, feeling friends wrapped around my body,
sharing, sharing freedom, sharing love.
but sharing love is hurting.
enticing is hurting but i have lost the power of resisting,
and i am hurting.
She wants him, but he doesn’t want her
And I want her, but she doesn’t want me
And unless he’s gay; i’m pretty sure I drew the short straw here
They had a thing but it was brief and he broke her.
Is it weird that it made me happy?
Seeing what the attraction had done to her
She did his drugs and he did her friends
I watched this all happen
Finally I felt high because she was low
I plucked up the courage
Her door seemed like a million miles away
I knocked; he opened with furrowed brows
Three’s a crowd anyways
Written on the note section of the phone. Because the pen would have gone through the paper.
I FEEL SEASICK
I FEEL CARSICK
I FEEL TRAIN SICK
I FEEL PLAIN SICK
ALL THOSE FEELINGS AT ONE TIME
I FEEL LIKE IVE BEEN THROWN IN THE GARBAGE
THROWN IN THE PLAYGROUND WHEN YOU GOT A HEADACHE
THROWN IN THE LAYBY ON A BUSY MOTORWAY
THROWN IN THE DEEP END AT A KIDS URINATED SWIMMING POOL
BEING ALL THOSE PLACES AT ONE TIME
YOU WOULD BE FRIGHTENED WOULDNT YOU ?
BUT ITS WORSE
I FEEL ASLO A
DEEP DEEP DISTRUST AND DEEP ANNOYANCE FOR THE
MAN IN THE SHALLOW END GETTING SWALLOWED
I LOVED. I TRUSTED. FELT WARM. FELT GREAT
AND ALL THAT FEELING WAS A BIG FAT DISNEY SLAP IN THE FACE
BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOVE AS DEEPLY AS THAT
FOR A MAN IN THE SHALLOW END