Pain. Poem. Anonymous. Your name invades my notes.

Your name invades my notes

S here, S there

My first time for many,

You taught me about sex

Yet I scream at a younger me!

Run away! Get away!

This little boy is not normal

Normal sex is not to spit, to choke,

Pleasurably hit and to poke

Unknowingly while I sleep.

The deeds to my body reaped,

Bounded by my hands and feet

The concrete sheet will await

The next piece of cattle meat

Stained by another bruise

Washed in his little men

Doesn’t everyone get dirty?

No. This is loving abuse.

Sweet, virginal skin

Listens to what you call love

With blind open eyes

Suck my dick till I say when

Beckons lying, sweaty thighs

‘You mean the world to me darling.’

Vomit on your member

I went too far

‘That’s okay, do it again.’

Please, no more

A villain in plain sight

He’s so nice! Stop bossing him!

My one piece of advice?

Start boxing if you want a fight

Lord knows you need the exercise

You fat piece of shit.

It was time to take my own liberation

I fucked who I liked – with my own domination

Girl, boy, your cousin?

My decision.

The pain entered with a hammer

But it left with kisses

To my new darling amor –

His love successes

I have learnt

I am no ones missus

My body




I take charge.


Pain. ‘Bliss, Kiss, Pain’.  A poem written by Edward Meltzer.

Bliss, Kiss, Pain.

Alone together,
In my hole of a flat.
In the land of never,
On our cloud we sat.
Laughing and clutching with our bodies and minds,
Falling and falling,
Completely entwined.
We both called this bliss,
But it was fucked with a kiss.

A moment of lust,
That replaced the fuzz.
Laughter turned to silence,
And although it was silence it screamed out in pain.

I didn’t understand,
You still clutched my hand,
But it was no longer for love,
It was simply because you didn’t know what else to do.

We were still alone.
Sat on the same bed.
Still in the hole I call home.
But our cloud had turned to lead.
And we were now falling and falling,
Not for eachother but back into reality.
And when those tears started rolling,
I was hit by that gravity.
For one night I felt I had you as my girl,
But in the same night, I lost you back into the real world.


Pain Rant. ‘You’ve been shit, mostly’. Anonymous

Dear men in my life,

You’ve been shit, mostly.

Commitment-phobes, aggressive, there one minute and then gone. Leaving me still catching my breath. You’ve promised things and not followed through. You’ve given up too easily. You’ve been full of empty words, when it’s been action and authenticity that I have craved. You’ve led me on and been charming, when all along your heart has belonged to someone else. You’ve used me and (nearly) always prioritised your pleasure over mine. As I have grown up, i’ve wanted more from you and you’ve given me less. I’ve found comfort and closeness in friends and a blossoming self-love. But I am still attracted to you, so I hope you can be better. I have sunk more within myself in your presence with recent rejections. I find it superficial and brutally hard sometimes to keep shining and giving off my best, all of myself, afraid to unwind and be consumed in pleasure only for it all to dissipate and unravel as quickly as it started. A fear of disappointment. Protecting myself from probable hurting. I’m not waiting for Mr Right, but for someone that communicates what they are thinking and is honest to me. For someone that can leave their ego at the door and go on a beautiful journey of love and discovery with me. I will try and keep my mind and heart open for your arrival.


WHY ANONYMOUS= This person has remained anonymous because the men are still present. Hopefully when the man is found that doesn’t play any games or have extortionate male ego then they will rest easy with beauty and a calm breath.